I wake up scared almost every day. Usually the fear feels like imminent danger, like the feeling you get when you see a dog getting ready to attack. On most days however, it’s just fear whispering, reminding me that something may or may not happen. My biggest fear? That I may fail at a business I’ve grown to love so deeply.
Lately though my fear has completely done a 180. Rather than fearing failure I find myself fearing success. The more connection I make and the more and more my audience grows I start to realize that I may actually be able to pull this off, and oh sh*t actually succeed! The realization is almost crippling.
I find myself in the in-between where I’m not moving forward and definitely not going back. I’m not afraid of the money I mean who fears that? More money? Sure I can handle that and have tons of ways I can use it. But more so what having the money and the success might mean to others, and how the money and success may change me.
How will I change?
I’ve often heard that money and success changes people. That money is the root of all evil. Mo’ money mo’ problems, isn’t that what Biggie once said. Will I allow it to change me? Or will it just add volume to the person that I already am. What if at the core of me I’m not a good person? What if I don’t have as much of a foundation as I thought I did?
What would that look like?
Will there now be higher expectations of me? More responsibilities that I didn’t even asked for? Will having a voice give me more room to grow in order to help others or will it just set me up for more criticism? Will I be able to handle the stress and will it affect my most cherished relationships such as the ones I have with my daughter and my spirituality?
God and I are close you know. I mean, he’s seen me “ugly cry” as my girl puts it. He’s been with me through the worst of the worst. So much in fact that I’ve felt closer to my spirituality when I was down and didn’t know how I was going to make it. Its been my rock and just when I thought I wouldn’t make it God would figure out a way to give me a helping hand.
But I fear that our connection is changing. I’ve been so blessed lately, and although I thank him every day for it, I haven’t had those deep conversations with him that I once did.
Will it change my relationship with my daughter? It’s already changing, I can see it. I’ve been so busy lately that we spend less and less time together. My fear is that she will resent me for pursuing my passion. At times I know she has, she’s told me. I know she hated me for moving cities, for taking her from her friends, for giving her challenges when she’s already at the most challenging stage in her life- a teenager; And all for what? So her mother could pursue her dream? All this is new to me and I’m still trying to figure out a way to balance it all out.
Getting Use to Failure
People I encounter, friends, family may tell me what I’m doing is great and show TONS of support, but the war I have going on inside me is deeper than that. Failure as my fuel. It’s something that’s been embedded inside me since birth. I know far more failure than success, so much so that I’ve gotten comfortable with it. I thrive in it. Give me a challenge and I GOT THIS, it’s become my friend and by definition it’s become who I am. So now I feel I am at war with the new me, someone I don’t yet fully know, her name is Success and she scares the sh*t out of me. Will she push me forward or will she take me so high only to disappoint me? If she does will that break me?
The Good News
The good news for all of us is that if you feel any of these things then the mere fact that you’re scared of success should give you hope. It just means that there is something inside us that feels, KNOWS, we’re meant for greatness.
My relationship with my spirituality and my daughter may be changing and change is never easy but I know that the way I handle change and transformation will determine my success. I just have to remind myself not to be afraid of the process. As for my daughter and I we’ve become closer because I’m happier. I’ve been able to have much more quality time than ever before because I treasure those moments we can have together, and I’ve learn to turn off the world and hang on her every word.
Through this experience I’ve been able to see God’s greatness in me. Whether you believe in a higher power or not there is definitely greatness in each one of us. When we allow ourselves to believe it, and know that we deserve it, it will open opportunities you never even knew were possible.
All the successful Latinas (and non-Latinas) I’ve interviewed have a few things in common. For one- they felt the fear and did it anyway, in fact most accepted that there was a high possibility of them failing going in but took action anyway. Of those who did fail not one regretted taking the plunge. They took those failures as lessons, reworked their strategy, came back, and hit success. Like this week’s podcast guest said “even when you’re not 1000% prepared, that’s ok, because the lesson is in the execution”.
1. Feel the fear and let it empower you.
2. Accept that you might fail
3. Do it anyway and do it now.
BONUS: The lesson is in the execution
What will you execute? What do you fear? Do you agree that accepting that you might fail eases those fears? When have you tried and failed? Did that experience make you a better mujer & entrepreneur? Tell us your story so your fellow Amigapreneurs can learn from your ups & downs in business.
Thank you amigas.
*picture credit splashographics.com
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